I bet you’re asking yourself “How did she end up with missing teeth and a bloody face?” What I would like to tell you is; I was standing up for animal rights and in the process was struck down, but in the end justice was served! Maybe with a story like that I could get a job with ‘Patagonia’ or somewhere where activism is a big part of business. Or maybe I was taking surfing lessons and was attacked by a shark and in the process of escaping, my surfboard clipped my face and knocked out some teeth. But I punched it straight in the nose and luckily got away. While these are all great stories, sadly they are not my story. My story is… well, the easiest way to put it is… I GOT CONED!

Currently, as many of you know, I am studying abroad in Australia. Here at the University of Newcastle, different clubs and groups have pub-crawl fundraisers. My friends invited me to go to the PE (Physical Education) fundraising pub-crawl with them. The theme was sports stars, a.k.a dress up as your favorite team or person. Basically just look sporty and you are good. So with that, I was keen. I had brought my Seahawks jersey with me, did a double braid and gave myself some classic black under-eye marks. I was ready for a fun night!

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We took an Uber and arrived at the first stop on the crawl. We had a couple of drinks, moved on to the next bar, and this proceeded until we got to the third bar. At this point you could tell that everyone was getting pretty rowdy. So as we were on our way to the last designated stop on the pub-crawl – the final stretch – that’s when the coning happened.

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You know those memes about drunk people having an odd fixation with traffic cones? For some reason, people always end up stealing them and winding up with random traffic cones at their house, or just feel the need to put them on their head etc. Well, apparently drunk people also enjoy throwing them. Yup, you probably guessed it by now. I was hit straight in the back of the head by a large traffic cone and managed to fall flat on my face, straight into the asphalt. Not a nice graceful fall either! No one expects to get hit in the back of the head like that, so it was a face plant and I basically punched the cement because my hands were full and couldn’t break my fall. I still have no idea who even threw it. At this point I had no idea parts of my teeth where missing. One of my friends was trying to talk me down, and then the other one ran up to me, looked me dead in the face with the most panic I have ever seen and says, “OH MY GOD! YOUR TEETH ARE MISSING!” Then the panic set in. In complete shock, we some how got an Uber back to my house, where my housemates were awaiting my arrival to take me to the emergency. I still have no idea why the uber driver let us in their car. I was covered in blood. Uber driver from Newcastle, Australia, if you are reading this; thank you and I’m sorry.

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We made it back to my house, where my housemates had no idea what had happened asides from receiving a text message that read, “Hey, so I need your help. Danika fell. There is a lot of blood.” I still laugh at how vague this text was. So they drove me to the closest hospital in Newcastle, which was John Hunter. Missing teeth and with a bloody face, hands and elbows, we arrived. Something that should be known about Australian hospitals – unless you are on the brink of death or am a child – you better be prepared to wait. I don’t mean like 2 hours or anything like that, I mean like 8 hours. Keetah, Aleisha Jordan and I waited a full 8 hours at the hospital, to be seen by a doctor for a total of 10 minutes. Keetah wouldn’t let me fall asleep at the hospital just in case I had a concussion, so we all went sleep free until 7am the next moring. This gave my housemates and I a lot of time to make a lot of jokes at my expense, of course. I made them too, so don’t think they are terrible people; jokes lighten the mood so I was really appreciative of each one and had to chip in with my own.

Examples include:

 • “Coney 2k16” In reference to “Kony 2012” with Joseph Kony in the Uganda movement.

• “Get coned” Which is now our new FB messenger group name.

• And an endless amount of traffic cone memes, gifs and jokes I didn’t even know existed.

• “Bucky the Vampire Slayer” Thanks to me repeatedly   exclaiming I’d lost all my teeth and was now ‘bucky’, this is also my new nickname in the group chat!

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After 8 hours, the doctor put a sealant on my tooth to prevent bacteria and decay, and then told me to find a dentist. When we asked for a referral he said he “didn’t know of any because he didn’t have one in Newcastle”. He wouldn’t even clean up my bloody face, telling Keetah that she should try when we get home. The dentist I went to was pretty frustrated that they didn’t even check for teeth in my lip or concussions, but that’s all a part of the fun hey!

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We proceeded home. Now being 7am, I spent the morning searching for a dentist in the area with a high rating and called first thing when they opened. Luckily for me, they were able to squeeze me in the next day. Apparently I was very lucky because I had broken my front tooth only a fraction away from hitting the nerve. If I had hit the nerve, I would have had to receive a root canal, meaning almost a month without a front tooth. I was able to get a permanent cap that day. That was the most relieving thing, looking in the mirror and feeling like a bogan (Australia’s term for ‘white trash’ basically) was awful. Scuffed face, fat lip and missing teeth. I had gotten in a fight with a cone and cement and clearly lost. But on the bright side, I now had teeth again!

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The moral of the story is; if you are drunk and feel like throwing traffic cones in the air and have the possibility of hitting the stranger in front of you. Don’t do it. I know its tempting, but don’t do it. Better yet, just don’t pick up traffic cones! So I may not get hired at Patagonia for standing up for being an environmental or animal activist, but I can start my own mission and that is a mission against coning.

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CONEY 2K16
STOP AT NOTHING!

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2 Responses

  1. Julie

    Danika!!
    It’s Julie, your moms cousin in California. I was in suspense during the whole story! Bottom line, you got your tooth fixed and just a bit bruised up. We don’t throw cones in California. But we do have pub crawls!
    I’m glad you’re okay! I’m sure your mom is thrilled!! NOT!!!
    Take care and gentle hugs to you💕🍻🍷🍸

    Reply
  2. Julie Ball

    Danika!!! OMG, what you do for entertainment down under! My goodness what a fun read for us! We felt like we were right there with you! You scared us to death with the broken teeth part & glad you got them fixed! Whew! Your beautiful face will heal in time but this memory will last forever. Perfect timing, I might add, since it’s Early Voting down here. Reading your lesson on socialized medical care in healthcare down there (thank goodness it hasn’t hit the dental profession!), I hope voters make the right choice here so no one has to deal with lengthy wait times, among other things, in the United States!
    Anyway, glad you’re okay!!! We love you!!! Stay safe!!! Love from all your Neuhoff cousins in Texas!!!

    Reply

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